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I am currently on a train headed to Denver to spend the long weekend visiting with friends. I'm seeing mostly high school friends, which is funny because some of them are people I never actually hung out with. But over the years we have come to know each other better (or reconnected) through social media and low and behold, we're pretty good friends now.
Part of me sees this trip as an act of defiance against the fear I harbored in actually reaching out to people to meet in person. The thought of inviting people to get together and no one actually showing up was a very real fear. But I also reached out because I want to connect with many of the people who have made the effort to connect with me over the years.
My friend Carole is one of those people. We were best buddies in 8th and 9th grades (back when that was Junior High), and we walked with each other through a couple big life crises together (her mom got cancer and I got pregnant). Big stories for each of us, but even bigger was the bond those experiences forged in each of us. We didn't see each other loads for probably thirty years - after I got married and had kids, she was flying all over as a flight attendant and eventually married and had kids herself. Small touches over the years, but when we could we got together and picked back up where we left off.
I'm always amazed for some reason that people will make space and time to connect with me. It is SUCH a gift! I think we underestimate what a big deal it is to many people when not only time and space is made, but in my case accommodations because of my limitations. My friends are driving me across the metro area to help me connect with the next friend! How amazing is that?!
All this "saying Yes" I've decided to start doing is just another way to push through fear and keep moving forward. I hate how fear and uncertainty has kept me from doing things that I really wanted to do. AND I'M JUST NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! Enough is enough.
Now I have to admit that sometimes it's giving me a small ulcer, but as I continue to just keep going forward, keep saying yes to things that I'd have to put more effort into than I'd normally be comfortable with, the more I'm learning and discovering that the fears I imagine are just that - my imagination. And also, I can let go of what I think needs to happen or should happen, and just let things happen and trust it'll be good. And what do you know, it is!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." These few verses from Proverbs 3 have been embedded deeply in my heart for many years and I have tried to live by them. I do trust God implicitly. God has proven to me over and over again that when I look to him for strength, for hope, for a bigger picture of life, even for provision, God has come through. So I'm trusting God with this year of "yessing" as well. I know it's going to be hard sometimes. I know it will stretch me in ways that I may not want to be stretched. But I am also counting on the fact that we grow the most when we struggle, when we're stretched, when we do those things that we haven't done because of fear.
Somewhere outside of Granby, CO. Waiting for the California Zephyr #5 to pass us by so we can continue on our journey.
So as I pass through the mountains with snow here and there, as I hear about the lone eagle sitting on the big tree we just passed, as I prepare to meet with my friends who have known me when I was young and are now getting to know me as a (hopefully) much wiser adult, I pray that the God of the universe will calm my nerves and help me to simply bask in the love being shared by my friends to me and certainly by me to these precious friends.
What a gift.
What a gift.
What a gift.
